Monday, March 10, 2008

Great-West Life Assurance Company - World's Largest Assholes

Well, once again my belief that the most corrupt corporate organizations in the world are not oil companies or arms dealers, but none other than your friendly neighborhood insurance companies was completely verified. The depth of my hatred for these assholes knows no limits and burns with the firey passion of 1000 red-hot suns.

Great-West Life Assurance Company (herein referred to as "The Assholes")

I hate you. I hate you so bloody much it makes my blood boil. I once believed that only tele-communications companies could sink to the charm level of hemmoroid infested assholes, but you morons take the cake. Here is the story.

My significant other was covered under a very expensive health-care plan by The Assholes. Coverage ceased on November 9, 2007. She purchased a new set of glasses on November 4, 2007, paid with her credit card and was billed on November 4, 2007. We returned the following week to pick up the new spectacles, and we were simply handed the glasses and sent on our way. As you may be aware, when you receive new glasses they always give you several receipts, because they too have to deal with The Assholes, and are aware of The Assholes complete and total incompetance (and fraudulent shiftiness). We sent our claim in during the middle of December, with the original receipts. It was of course lost. Now, try to imagine how much profits These Assholes make by ensuring inadequacies in their mail collection and delivery. "Oops, sorry Mr. X, we lost your claim, but all you have to do is go around collecting new original receipts, and by the way make sure you get them in before your 90 day grace period runs out, or we won't pay you squat." And what a surprise Mr. X, has four kids and run down '92 Corolla and doesn't have time to drive all over town picking up receipts. A company whose entire customer service business is based on the correct and timely delivery of mail seems to lose about two out of every five things sent to it. This year alone, with two seperate insurers, I have had to send duplicate claims in two or more times, because The Assholes are so corrupt, that they have acutally calculated how much profit they can make, by "losing" every 100th or 200th claim. But that's not where the fun stops for These Assholes, who apparently run the business in the same manner as the Gambino's. No, you see, after the lost the first claim, we sent another. They sent it back, apparently, the were unable to read the date on the brand new orignal receipt which indicated the precise date the glasses had been paid for. Luckily, I also had the credit card receipt, which I immediately sent back. Okay, so imagine now this is the third letter I sent them and it is now February, a full three months after actually receiving the glasses. Ah, but they aren't done yet. Just last week, March of 2008, we receive a final receipt of our claim, indicating that since we picked up the glasses on November 11 or her coverage ended on November 9, coverage. Just so we're mean to tell me that even though I paid for them on the 4th and our coverage ended on the 9th, you won't cover the claim because, let me get this straight, you consider them purchased, when we pick them up? Are you friggin' kidding me? When we pick them up? What kind of Assholes are you? So, when I am in a car accident and have the vehicle repaired, I don't need to report to you until the car is fixed and back in my driveway, 'casue the accident didn't happen until I picked up the car fromt he mechanic? Did you freakin' moron, wak job, nerd number crunchers sit in a room with your pocket protectors and graphing calculators and figure out that people are likely to use their vision care credits within a week of their coverage ending, and you Assholes figured how much money you can save but making a slight adjustment to generally accepted accounting principles? Unbelieveable. And of course when you phone you end up talking to Ogla, the Russian, who doesn't speak English, except the few words needed to tell you to go F#$% yourself. Thank's Olga, you uncaring whore....

So, what am I to do. Well, the first thing I will do is spend some time looking for an insurance industry ombudsman on the internet. I have a feeling no such position exists and if it does, it is probably some overweight Asshole, with a cell number and a bottle of vicodin on his desk. Then what is next? It depends how long I stay pissed off, but right now, I plan on making this a very, very big deal.

Great-West Life Assurance Company - "we pay your claims, once you're healed"