Monday, December 05, 2005

Ten hours a day makes jack a dull, dull, boy

Studying legal procedure is boring. Studying trusts is even more boring. Studying the inside of my wrist watch: priceless.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Just call me Doctor

The Surreal Law School Life

My school just voted to change or degree designation from LL.B (Bachelor of Laws) to J.D. (Juris Doctor). This was a huge contentious issue at the school, which made me laugh my ass off. Some of these retards were totally convinced that by changing the designation they would suddenly get jobs. I am personally happy because now I can demand that everyone call me Doctor O'Sullivan....of course anyone who has a Ph.D in law might not like this. And of course you KNOW that M.D.'s are going to get all uppity....

Find me a remedy

So I have started taking a bunch of natural herbal supplements. First I completely changed my diet: reduced meat to almost nothing, increased water intake to 3 liters (approx) a day, completed a ten day liver, kidney, GI de-tox kit, increased serving of veggies a day from 5 - 8 to 10 -15, starting taking Ginko Biloba, Bee Pollen, Cod liver oil and a multi vitamin. I walk a minimum of 45 minutes each day, usually carrying a 20lb pack and I do calisthenics (sometimes with weights) four times a week. What are the results?

- I need less sleep
- I feel more focused
- I fit into my clothes
- losing weight like it was a day's hair growth
- increased energy (all those stupid adds on TV were right!)
- definitely more irritable (diet change will do this do you every time, same with when you first start an exercise regime)
- General well being

I am finding that the hardest thing about being healthy is finding time in your day. Especially as a student. When I am studying I go into bunker mode and don't want to come out until they are over. Interestingly enough, I have figured that 8 hours is about my maximum total daily studying time before I start to lose focus. That gets pushed sometimes to 10 if absolutely necessary. I used to take "smoke breaks" to break up the hours of endless reading and studying, lately I have tried just eating a bunch of veggies or fruit and it hasn't really changed the total length of time I can stay focused. Over Christmas I'll get a picture taken so I can post it and we can all compare it to my summer picture. Hopefully I can stay on this path for a little longer. Its hard to get into a routine when you are school, especially when you always have to go out and get plastered or sit in a crowded poker room smoking cigars (student life: see previous posts). The one thing I truly hate about "getting healthy" is your day becomes little more then a list of things to eat and do, each day being exactly the same. I hate the idea of counting calories so I have always avoided that type of regime, but now I am counting veggie servings and supplements to take every four hours. And that doesn't even begin to address the guilt issues if you can't go for a walk or if you don't eat any veggies in a particular day. It just goes to show you how screwed up our food supply is. We actually have to develop an eating strategy just to survive.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Exam Vote

Okay, here's the story... I have exams on December 7 and 12, classes end next Friday. Should I have started studying a while ago or what? I think I will do fine.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

The truly surreal

I was in Downtown last night and this drunken bum starts trying to cause trouble with a friend of mine. Talking trash. This particular friend could have taken this guys apart, not mention probably broken everybone in the guys body while doing it. I step in to break it up, hoping that I don't have to see human entrails lying all over the street. So I start talking this guy down, telling him that nobody wants to fight him, everything is going to be okay, just relax. The dudes whole attitude changes, he suddenly becomes overcome with a gentleness and a quiet, and looks at me and "oh, I get it...its okay, you're gay arn't you?"

See what trying to be a good samaritan gets you?

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Friday, November 04, 2005

What is wrong with people?

I think it would be better if you just left...yes that's right you. I mean, thing's just aren't working out, ya'know? We gave it a try, but we just aren't right for each other, so, well....beat it, I'm busy.

I tried to cancel a credit card today, it was like trying to remove one of your own teeth with a spoon. They didn't believe me at first then they refused and then finally they got really mad at me. I just kept laughing, thinking how ridiculous is was. They asked me why I wanted to cancel, and I said "I don't have to tell you shit" and then they said "If you don't tell us I can't cancel the account" so I said "Because your I slept with your girlfriend" and they got really mad. I finally made the point that their interest rate is now at 19.5%. They offered a super low rate, that I alone, as a highly regarded and special customer, am eligible for.....16.5%. I laughed so hard I almost cried. "That's funny," I said, "because the last statement I received from you didn't mention how you felt about me, it just mentioned that the rate was increasing."

"Well," They said, "You have never been late in paying, so why do you care?" So I told them that if I am never late, why not set my interest rate at 1%. They couldn't do that, they told me, it wouldn't be fair to their other customers. "I won't tell" I said. "Let me put you through to special services..." they said. "okay" I said, "Will they cancel my account?"

"No, but they'll be able to talk about your interest rate."
"Will they reduce it to 1%?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then why would I want to talk to them?"
"Because only they have the authority to change interest rates"
"Then why am I talking to you?"
"Because I answered the call."
"Your girlfriend gives good head."
"Fuck you." Click.

"Hello, this is special services, Mr. Smith why do you want to cancel your credit card?"
"Because my wife left me."
"Well, Mr. Smith we at TD Canada Trust respect your privacy and we too have experienced the hurt and pain of a family break-up, that's why we are currently offering the TD Canada Trust broken home credit card with a new introductory rate of 15%."
"Is this a joke?" I said.
"Mr. Smith here at TD Canada Trust, we don't make jokes, we just give those people that are unemployed and unable to pay their bills the opportunity to purchase credit at reasonable rate not considered usury under any current law."
"Can I go to jail for not paying you?"
"No, Mr. Smith, here at TD Canada Trust we believe that a lifetime of indentured servitude is punishment enough for our more temporally challenged customers."
"Can you raise my credit to $50, 000?"
"Yes of course, Mr. Smith, in fact you have been pre-approved for a credit limit of $100 000, with a interest rate of 22.5 %?"
"aren't I a special customer anymore?"
"Of course Mr. Smith, but here at TD Canada Trust we believe that you need the extra help of a higher interest rate in order to better understand the value of our money."
"Can you cancel my credit card?"
"Please don't take that tone with me, Mr. Smith."
"Mr. Smithwe have dispatched the police to your house, I suggest you lie face down with your hands behind you back....Nobody, but Nobody fucks with US!"
"Okay, I'll talk the 15 %."
"Thank you Mr. O'Sullivan, have a nice day."

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

The Surreal Law School Life

I went to the Hospital last Friday....Emergency room. I had been sick (cold/flu) for two weeks and was getting steadily worse. I was not an emergency situation mind you, but I was pretty ill. After waiting four hours in the "waiting room" I was ushered into a small cramped, sterile examination room where I waited a further hour for the doctor to arrive. Now, believe me I understand how emergency works and there were people a lot sicker then me, but the doctor asked me 0 questions, read the triage sheet, ordered an x-ray (in case a had pneumonia) and then disappeared. Total time I saw the doctor: 30 seconds. After the x-ray, which took another hour because I was basically wandering around the hospital by myself in a hospital gown and a surgical mask, the doctor poked his head in the door, said the x-ray was normal and disappeared. Well, I continued to get sicker and finally went back today. I was immediately seen, hooked up to a ventilator to breath a steroid to open my chest, rushed to x-ray, and sent on my way with about $200 worth of anti-inflammatories and anti-biotics. This doctor made the comment that you shouldn't go to emergency unless you have an open chest wound that someone (probably an underpaid nurse) can stitch up. Let's face it, what exactly can a modern doctor do, outside of surgery. I mean, what diseases can be actually cured or even properly diagnosed by modern medicine. Short of a bacterial infection, and open wounds doctors are little better then they were 300 years ago. Which doctor made the right diagnosis? I'll probably never know, as I will get better each day because of my own immune system. All this talk about avian-flu is a joke, because the truth is, modern medicine doesn't have a clue how to stop or even control a viral contagion. In other words, if you get sick, and something can't either be lopped off or treated with penicillin....kiss your ass good bye. I mean if it weren't for the zillions of dollars collected each year by big pharmaceutical companies for paxil and zoloft, not to mention heart burn medication and cholesterol lowering drugs, doctors wouldn't even be able to make a living. The irony is that three biggest selling and most often prescribed pharmaceuticals (ie. anti-depressants, heart burn and cholesterol drugs) basically treat nothing more then the effects of a shitty diet, drug use and binge drinking. Next time some med student gives you attitude because he thinks he is better then you....Kick him in the groin and remind him that less then fifty years ago these esoteric idiots were recommending smoking to help with breathing problems.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Talk about Surreal

I have always been surprised in the speed and efficiency by which promoters, and snake-oil salesman have been able to utilize the internet to sell various types of male enhancment. Frankly it boggles the mind that these people are human (debatable) and that they are intelligent enough to actually figure out how to mass email people around the Globe. Of course it is easy to hire some pimple-faced 15 year old to do this for you ($4.50 an hour and all the porn you can imagine). I just don't see who is buying this shit. It is such a pervasive element of our new society it makes one think that long before a civilization on another planet would hear the delicate sounds of Mozart, or read the noble equations of Einstien or Newton, long before the first few notes of Rock music penetrates the vast distances between galaxies....some asshole will be there, peddling penis enlargment cream.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Seinfeld and V8

I think I will publish a diet book. It will be called Eating less and Losing Weight: The Miracle Cure Of course I won't make any money, but I think its important to come out and point out to people that going to therapy or appearing on Dr. Phil will not help you nearly as much weight as if you simply stopping eating.

For example, I gained almost 50 lbs in six months. Turned into a fat blob. But by using my miracle cure, what I like to call "just not eating for three", I have already been able to get a bit healthier in as little as three weeks. I have already lost over ten pounds.

If you would like information on my diet, contact me here, unless you want to pay me....


Friday, August 19, 2005

Hello, time to read the newspaper...

Ms. Fennelsoup,

That is completely and totally wrong. No such situation exists in Ireland, in fact the IRA announced an unconditional and complete cessation of military activities and the dis-arming of its military branch a little over two weeks ago. Secondly, the situation in Ireland can never be compared to the situation in the Middle East for one fundemental reason: The Irish, even the IRA have never carried out any action in order to force others to change their religion. Militant Islamists are not satisfied with the control of their geopgraphical boundries, they desire WORLD CONQUEST. So fuck them.

Thursday, August 18, 2005


The Surreal Law School Life

I have taken some heat over my rather grotesque description of what I would like to do to those Islamic fundamentalist that for some reason believe that killing everyone in their communities they will be closer to God. I have this say about that:

I don't really think we should line up a bunch of people and torture them and kill them. I don't really think that answering violence with violence is the answer, but I would argue that answering violence with violence is always the first feeling that creeps into those that are the victims of violence.

As a society I do believe that we are slowly realizing that we will have to talk to each other across a table rather then a battlefield if we want to see the next century. Although this "little" lesson came at the cost of, say 100 000 000 million lives in wars and war related atrocities in this century. The fact of the matter is that until we rid ourselves of institutionalized killing machines like the Taliban, like Al Qaida and like the current American administration we have few options to rid ourselves of those monsters that believe the extermination of a race of people is the answer to lack of adequate farm land.

I don't profess to understand all the intricacies of world politics or international relations. But I am fairly certain that setting off car bombs in crowded neighborhoods in Iraq, Israel or New York does very little to improve the larger consciousness of man. It leaves us with a few shattered lives, a few angrier people and lots of human body parts to clean up. It always amazes me, and this is of course nothing new to our civilization that the leaders of these great movements like Al Qaida recruit young men and women to strap dynamite to themselves to kill innocents, but somehow the leaders manage to keep their hands oh so completely Lilly white. They are the most pathetic kind of coward: the kind that will not ever face their enemy, but hide behind the naive and idealistic. Does anyone think that the leadership of America, Al Qaida or Hamas will ever put themselves in harm's way of any kind? They are no doubt sipping penacoladas on a beach, maybe even the same beach, talking about how great it is that they are rich. To hell with them I say.

I guess I may have offended a few, and to be truthful I was writing when I was still angry which is never a good idea. The fact remains that if we were to somehow, instantaneously eliminate all the guns and weapons in the world and all those who desire to use them to kill, harm and maim others, this world would be much, much, much, much better off.

Anyway, in the end, who gives a shit, money rules both sides, and that will never change.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Its now official

The Surreal Law School Life

I was hit on by a cougar.

I got a raise today too.


Monday, June 06, 2005

The wait is over, life can begin

The Surreal Law School Life

Well, I am sure that it will come as a surprise to many of you, but in fact I have been given a position at one of the most prestigious law firms in western Canada. These presents an interesting opportunity to provide a valuable lesson to all my dear readers:

When you are challenged in life, and you feel like you need to change things....when you feel like its time to start afresh, begin working in a new way and take a different approach to life; when you think its time to start taking yourself and your life seriously; when you start to understand what is really important in the world, and that we all have a place in this grand scheme of a higher power....

tell yourself to shutup and go get drunk. It worked for me!

My advice to all of you out there considering , university, law school, paramedic training or whatever: Trust yourself, enjoy your life more then your job, keep your friends close and don't forget to party. Always remember to party.


Sunday, April 17, 2005

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Back after a hiatus

The Surreal Law School Life
I really can't think of anything worthwhile to say anymore, so I suppose I should be content with the peace and quiet of my own peace and quiet.

Maybe I'll have a smoke and contemplate this possiblity...

Thursday, March 31, 2005

The Taliban and religion in general

The Surreal Law School Life
Some of you wil be mad at me for saying this:

I believe that every member of the Taliban in Afganistan and all those sympathetic to their idealogy should be lined up, have their eyeballs scooped out of their head and skinned alive until the scream for death. The Taliban and their beliefs are evil incarnate. How can human beings be equal to the piss and manure and the floor of a barn

Don't get me started on other religions either...

Sorry, not very funny today, but I am so pissed at those assholes.

Monday, March 21, 2005

Ia m sleepy

The Surreal Law School Life

It is going to be a busy few days. I am so sleepy.

Monday, March 14, 2005

Sniper has been spotted

The Surreal Law School Life

My little cat is injured or sick, or perhaps just trying to get some attention. As I explained to someone, he doesn't get a trip to vet unless he is on his death bed, not if he just has the sniffles.

Friday, March 11, 2005

Only Law geeks need apply

The Surreal Law School Life

There was a young law student named Rex,
who had very small organs of sex,
When charged with exposure
he said with composure:
De minimis non curat lex.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Okay, so Gwen alone is aware of how this crap works

The Surreal Law School Life

Many of you, have been requesting a short anecdote on life in law school. Of the hundreds of emails and letters I receive each week, be assured that I try to answer each one personally but of course it is difficult. I want you all to know, whether you are writing from Scotland or simply down the street I read each and every one of your delightful letters and cards personally. Now, to show that I always provide for my colleagues, a short note on my surreal life in law school:

I recently had the opportunity to represent an obviously innocent client in court. The poor man's wife had had him charged with assault. Under Ontario law any assault that "smells" domestic must go to trial, regardless of the evidence or facts. On the day of the trial, the accused showed up with many family and friends to support him. His former commonlaw wife, who had accused him clearly in an attempt to get him in trouble with the law was no where to be found. The judge, because there was simply no evidence nor testimony against him accepted his plea of not guilty and sent him on his away. I of course was invited to celebrate with the friends and family of the accused and go to the near-by version of the Cecil in order to "get plastered" in "The big city" because, what the hell, "we had to take a day off of work anyway". Although I initially thought it a good idea, to get drunk with an only recently acquitted wife abuser, I changed my mind suddenly, when my clients brother walked into the courtroom following his brothers acquittal with a t-shirt displaying this endearing defense:

"Listen, bitch, tell your tits to stop gawking at me"

Ah, life in the fast lane

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

I think this technology is too new

The Surreal Law School Life

I don't think anyone realizes how these Blog sites work.

People - don't email me back, post your comments on the site!!!!

Monday, March 07, 2005

Not sick anymore, still think I am in need of a good drunk

The Surreal Law School Life

Okay, so I made everyone aware of "Blogging". I am expecting a long list of pornographic and vulgar comments to appear overnight. Many I believe will question my manhood, expecially those from Mark and Ian, and the rest will probably insist I stop wasting their time.


It is about time you all realized that I cannot be stopped.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

I am so sick of reading

I am sick. Plus I have to read about 300 pages of the most boring shit known to mankind. Now, if I read 20 pages an hour, on average and go for a 15 break every two hours, how many days will it take me to read this crap.

Answer: four wobbly pops.

The Surreal Law School Life

The Surreal Law School Life

Well, I feel like total shit, came down with a bugger of a cold. Stan Peake sent me this 21 page account of his life and only mentioned me twice. I am totally pissed and I think I'll remove him from my Christmas card list. Plus, you can forget about me going easy on you when I am on the Supreme court.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

The most recent guys I get wasted with Posted by Hello

DJ RedSkull and MC Skiz Posted by Hello

Day 1 of My Technological Advancement

Well, I figured it is time to enter the 21st century so my first addition to the advancement of mankind, my little piece of the writings that hopefully will last into the next millenium:

"Ass, fart, butt crack"

I must rest my mind