Seinfeld rules.

Bowflex: How stupid is you?

Have you seen the commercial for Bowflex, where the model brags about being a 51-year old grandmother with "...a body like this..."? Have a look at her driver's license when it is held up to the screen. It only appears for a second, so you have to be quick; look to the top right hand corner of the license. If you look closely, you can see her birthday...11/29/1963. Now, I'm no math genius but I'm pretty sure that 2006 minus 1963 is not 51. Take a look, see for yourself. Now, if you take into account the obvious facelift, breast augmentation and lipo, well....how stupid is you? What's more disturbing, the lie right in our faces or the fact that this model apparently either can't do simple arithmetic or is delusional?

The Rant Factory

Hey Jill, my laptop exploded over Christmas and I lost all my phone numbers and email addresses. Send me your info ASAP or their might not be a way to get in touch. Cheers.

Of Seeming Wise...

Some, whatsoever is beyond their reach, will seem to despise or make light of it as impertinent or curious; and so would have their ignorance seem judgment.

-Francis Bacon

Finally some common sense

Ladies, I think that this is perhaps the single greatest achievement of Feminism in the last 18 years.

http://sltrib.com/sports/ci_3561131

The end of all life as we know it

Okay, I haven't written anything in a while, but today I saw something that made me so mad I couldn't contain myself.

When did entertainment become "news"? Our society is crumbling beneath a mountain of pointless, useless drivel, fueled by people's own ridiculous thirst for fame. Watch the evening news, your average local station will spend seven to ten minutes discussing which anorexic Hollywood ho is dating which washed up, latent homosexual movie heartthrob. These people are are hero's? These wastes of oxygen and water make me so sick. I can't decide who is worse the so-called "stars" or the screaming, crying throngs of retards desperate for a glimpse of some idiot too lazy to get a real job or too pretty to get an education. But all of this, all of this, pales in comparison to ludicrous, disgusting display of self-inflated, arrogance that is the Academy Awards. "I am just a girl who had a dream..." Is that some sort of veiled suggestion that you are Martin Luther King come again? Have you invented a vaccine for AIDS while were weren't looking? Oh...No, that's right, you memorized two sentences of someone else's writings and then repeated the line a hundred times until you finally got it right. Wow, you're a real hero. I bet you haven't taken a crap without being paid for it.

When our civilization finally comes crashing down around us, awash with pollution, filth and two headed lizard babies, I guarantee you, there will still be a bunch of fat, uneducated, over paid Hollywood celebrities celebrating their own crapulence amidst a flurry of photographers and 12 year old girls. What makes these idiots think they have a right to celebrate their fucking job. The rest of the continent is just trying to make enough money to buy food, and these assholes are slapping themselves on the back and congratulating each other for putting out another piece of shit movie. What we should do is make it a game show, all the losers of each category have to perform various physical acts including eating monkey feces and working at McDonald's. The audience gets to vote one off, and that loser is shot in the head on live television. Just think of how good movies would be after a couple of years of that. The most ridiculous thing of all is that this crap is actually televised, like I could give a shit what Pauly Shore is wearing to the Oscar's. My, God, have we become so empty, so devoid of self-esteem that we need to watch a bunch of out of work former bartenders and waitresses feign humility and then go back stage and screw the nearest super-model? What the hell has happened to us. Today, 52 people died in Moscow in a store cave-in, 16 Iraqi's were killed amid sectarian violence and 4 US soldiers were killed in an unprovoked attack. Guess what story lead the news "2 weeks till the oscars".

Do yourself a favor, do your families and friends a favor, don't watch the Oscar's, in fact stop watching the movies that fund the oscar's. These people are not hero's, for the most part the are not even decent human beings. They are arrogant, self centered, self-righteous, pompous a-holes, whose best qualities include drug addiction, screwing anything and everything in their paths and my personal favorite, the help keep so many plastic surgeons in BMW's.

Want something to do during the Oscar's? Donate some blood, help out at the local soup kitchen, read a book for Godsakes, do something with your life that doesn't include acting like a sheep heading for a shredder. Open your eyes and start adding something to society, its not too late.

Not surreal

I have the most beautiful, sexy, and wonderful girlfriend the world has ever seen.

I just got my ass kicked in Vancouver

Hopefully my mom is NOT reading this in the first place but holy crap I got so wasted this ast week I will be recovering for ever. We almost got tattoo's, and I blessed their front entrance with my most sacred stomach acid. So much fun and so much pain always seem to go together.

Ding Dong the Witch is Dead!

Mario Lemieux is finally going to retire. He has dragged down his last NHL team. Oh, how sweet it is. More to come as the story develops.

Best Southpark Ever

Gingervitis: Disease of the immune system and pigmentation of the skin. Symptoms include pale skin, red hair, freckles and desire to destroy all of humanity.

"Janitor" Joe Rogan v. Wesley "The Wifebeater" Snipes

Okay, by now everyone has heard this rumor, in fact Rogan himself has apparently confirmed that he has made the offer of a fight to Wesley Snipes, but they can't agree on money. Why would I want to see to cheeseball celebrities duke it out on a PPV event under the Banner of the UFC? I'll tell you why: I don't think there would be anything more satisfying then watching two spoiled rich kids smash each others pretty faces in. Okay, okay, Rogan doesn't seem like a bad guy and Blade was one of the coolest movies ever, but seriously, doesn't this hark of mid-eighties "Battle of the Network Stars". Does anyone honestly believe that these two guys would actually risk losing a fight on PPV? I have noticed a number of celebrities watching events ringside, and Michael Jordan, Mike Tyson and others are regulars at K-1 and Pride events (Who could forget the ridiculous brawl between Tyson and Sapp during the 2004 GrandPrix), but do you really want to see them fight when we could be watching some real talent?Frankly I am much more interested in seeing St.Pierre/Hughes II.

Worst UFC Ever....

I admit that the return of Royce Gracie really surprised me. I can't wait to see him take Matt Hughes' face off, and it was amazing to see Hughes nervous in the presence of one of the greatest martial artists in history, but last nights event was horrible. Part of the problem I think is that a lot of these guys arn't use to the spotlight and haven't quite got their celebrity legs underneath them yet, it will come though. Unfortunately it don't make good TV! Dana needs to point out that their real priority should be making good TV. Had the event been a PPV, I would have been really pissed, but under the circumstances it was okay. I won an easy $20
though. How about Arlovski, will amyone ever beat him? Neither of the two guys fighting for the chance last night will survive a round with him. Sylvia needs to hit the wieght room. Dream match up: Bob Sapp v. Arlovski.

The Truly Surreal

Here is an excerpt from MSN website:

"A survey finds America’s attitudes toward overweight people are shifting from rejection toward acceptance. Over a 20-year period, the percentage of Americans who said they find overweight people less attractive steadily dropped from 55 percent to 24 percent, the market research firm NPD Group found"

I am so sick and tired of every deviant, perverted, and grotesque habit attributed to North Americans being slowly accepted and justified. Obesity is unhealthy and it is a sign of uncontrolled eating. It has nothing to do with glands, hormones or any other "victim" condition. If you are fat its because you eat too much, if you get lung cancer its because you smoked a pack a day for 50 years, if you like having your body rubbed down with ketchup while you are slapped by a monkey with a whiffle bat it means you are a sexual deviant. Stop forcing the rest of us to "Accept" your deviant, anti-social behaviours and join us while we try to have a civilization or do us all a favour and SHUT THE FUCK UP! Stop making excuses, stop justifying your grotesque behaviours and start trying to be better people. I am so sick of being "sold" on everything from perverted, random sex to eating so much our hearts explode in our chests. Have we become so mindless and spineless that we actually give up on trying to make our lives better and simply accept, no - not just accept, but prefer our disgusting, slobbering, fatass, no-neck physiques? MSN, you can go to hell. All you magazines I see at the grocery stores, you can go to hell to. And as for you, TV ads, if I ever catch you you better bring a baseball bat 'cause I am going to kick your fat, loudmouth ass.

What's next? Playboy's "Women that eat too much McDonalds". Gimme a break.

Home sweet home

The Surreal Law School Life

There comes a time in everyone's life where you have to just stop believing in Santa Claus.

Time to Vote

Everyone remember that no matter how much you hate conservative ideology, the Liberal party can only be fixed if they are censured. That means you can't vote for them! The conservatives are going to form the government, so vote NDP and hopefully we can get a little balance this time. Martin's political existence is no longer relevant, who does he represent?

Alfred Levinson - A good friend and a good man. R.I.P.

On December 12th, 2005 my dear friend passed away from Cancer. Dr. Al Levinson, my moral compass, my mentor and an individual who made more then a lasting difference in my life.

He was a simple man, however you met him - as a professor, a teacher or a customer. He had an unassuming nature and offered consistently good advice during one of the toughest times in my life. I will always be envious of his amazing ability to sense B.S. and to give those who spewed little of his time or consideration. He supported my goals and my dreams, and always pushed me to make the right decisions.

I met Dr. Levinson while I was a bartender at the University of Calgary. Amongst the many grouchy, rude, and cheap professors that I met, he was an oasis of kindness and gratitude. He always ate at the same table, he frequently ate the same dinner. He always drank his coffee black and always tipped generously. He was never too busy to offer his help or just talk about the worlds affairs. I made a point of making him feel welcome every time he entered the lounge, and although I did not always succeed in being the best waiter, he was always the best customer. It was an honor and a privilege to be amongst his many friends and proteges.

The last time I saw him, at the end of the summer of 2005 he was well and happy, generous as always, remembering even the smallest details of my life that I had ever mentioned to him. I was on my way to beginning the next phase of my life, and he was as excited about it as me. He offered generous praise, but always cautioned me about being flippant or callous. Even into his last days I imagine he never stopped working or offering his time to those who needed him. I cannot say enough about a man whose character I shall judge all others against.

His accomplishments are too many to list, but always impressive to me, was that a mineral had been named after him - Levinsonite, although he always considered this only in passing, and perhaps with a hint of shyness. He was a role model and should be what all university instructors strive to be: friendly, helpful, and discerning. Never would Dr. Levinson be in a bad mood, or surly towards even the lowliest of students, staff or service people. A kinder man God does not make.

So, Dr. Levinson, I seek to make a tribute to you but I find myself unable to do you the justice that your character and your life deserve. So I will simply say that I will lead a life that you would have expected of me, as I was always determined to be as good a person as you expected of all those people that you let into your life. I thank you for your help, I thank you for you instruction and I thank you for allowing me into those last few years of your great life. May you always be remembered and may your spirit be given the rest you deserve. I hope you finished whatever project you were working on, because I know that if you didn't you are working on it as I speak. Rest in peace.

Ten hours a day makes jack a dull, dull, boy

Studying legal procedure is boring. Studying trusts is even more boring. Studying the inside of my wrist watch: priceless.

Just call me Doctor

The Surreal Law School Life

My school just voted to change or degree designation from LL.B (Bachelor of Laws) to J.D. (Juris Doctor). This was a huge contentious issue at the school, which made me laugh my ass off. Some of these retards were totally convinced that by changing the designation they would suddenly get jobs. I am personally happy because now I can demand that everyone call me Doctor O'Sullivan....of course anyone who has a Ph.D in law might not like this. And of course you KNOW that M.D.'s are going to get all uppity....

Find me a remedy

So I have started taking a bunch of natural herbal supplements. First I completely changed my diet: reduced meat to almost nothing, increased water intake to 3 liters (approx) a day, completed a ten day liver, kidney, GI de-tox kit, increased serving of veggies a day from 5 - 8 to 10 -15, starting taking Ginko Biloba, Bee Pollen, Cod liver oil and a multi vitamin. I walk a minimum of 45 minutes each day, usually carrying a 20lb pack and I do calisthenics (sometimes with weights) four times a week. What are the results?

- I need less sleep
- I feel more focused
- I fit into my clothes
- losing weight like it was a day's hair growth
- increased energy (all those stupid adds on TV were right!)
- definitely more irritable (diet change will do this do you every time, same with when you first start an exercise regime)
- General well being

I am finding that the hardest thing about being healthy is finding time in your day. Especially as a student. When I am studying I go into bunker mode and don't want to come out until they are over. Interestingly enough, I have figured that 8 hours is about my maximum total daily studying time before I start to lose focus. That gets pushed sometimes to 10 if absolutely necessary. I used to take "smoke breaks" to break up the hours of endless reading and studying, lately I have tried just eating a bunch of veggies or fruit and it hasn't really changed the total length of time I can stay focused. Over Christmas I'll get a picture taken so I can post it and we can all compare it to my summer picture. Hopefully I can stay on this path for a little longer. Its hard to get into a routine when you are school, especially when you always have to go out and get plastered or sit in a crowded poker room smoking cigars (student life: see previous posts). The one thing I truly hate about "getting healthy" is your day becomes little more then a list of things to eat and do, each day being exactly the same. I hate the idea of counting calories so I have always avoided that type of regime, but now I am counting veggie servings and supplements to take every four hours. And that doesn't even begin to address the guilt issues if you can't go for a walk or if you don't eat any veggies in a particular day. It just goes to show you how screwed up our food supply is. We actually have to develop an eating strategy just to survive.